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They never contact you, and you’re always the one to reach out. All families have different communication styles, and your level of contact with a family member depends heavily on your relationship with that person. Consider this: when your family doesn’t care about you.

In other words, it’s very normal to talk once a week with some relatives and once every few months with others.

However, if your family never, ever reaches out to you, it might be a sign of neglect on their part. Think about their attitude when you do contact them, too. Do they seem annoyed, like even a short phone call is an inconvenience?

Do they make excuses after only a few minutes, claiming they have something else to do? If they make no effort to contact you and avoid engaging with you when you’re the one who contacts them, that may be another red flag.

They ask for favors but don’t ever repay them. Does your family mainly contact you when they want something? If you have a family that doesn’t care for you the way they should, you might find they only make time for you on their terms, never yours. They could ask for favors, from manual labor to money, but rarely thank you for your efforts or return the favor in any way.

You might also find that you can’t rely on them for help either. They might expect you to drop everything when they need help with something, but be unwilling to do the same when you’re the one who needs a favor. They neglect your needs and consistently let you down.

A caring family should ensure that your needs are met, whether that means giving you a ride to the dentist or making sure there’s food in the fridge for you to snack on when you get home from school. On the other hand, if they’re always dropping the ball and letting you down, it might mean they aren’t prioritizing your needs the way they should.

For example, they might fail to remember your birthday or bail on picking you up from work even though they know you don’t have another ride. It’s possible that family members who let you down by disregarding your needs may not understand how harmful their actions are, or they may not have your best interests at heart.

They don’t invite you to family events that everyone else goes to. Some families hold events that all relatives are expected to attend—birthdays, holidays, weddings, and so on. Has your family suddenly stopped inviting you? If they keep on inviting everyone else but fail to invite you (and won’t even explain why), they might be distancing themselves from you.

A common sign that your family doesn’t care about you is avoiding spending time with you. [Take Poll] 5 They say nasty things about you to your face and behind your back. When a family member has no concern for you, they may even resort to badmouthing you to other people, whether you can hear it or not.

They might gossip about you when you’re not there or go right ahead and share private details about your life (including embarrassing or unhappy stories) while you’re still present. Furthermore, if you ask them to stop talking about you like that, they might simply tell you that you’re acting too sensitive or ask you why you can’t just take a joke.

If they do apologize for badmouthing you, it might still sound insincere. For example, they might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” instead of actually owning up to what they did. You’re the last person to find out about important news in the family. Whether someone is having a baby or a relative passes away, sometimes things happen that matter to everyone in the family.

Do you find out about big news in a timely manner, or are you usually the last to know? If your family fails to tell you important news, it can easily make you feel like they don’t care about you. You may end up discovering the news indirectly—through a Facebook post or a friend of the family —rather than from a family member as well.

This also indicates that you’re not being kept well informed. 7 They break their promises, often at the very last minute. Do you find yourself making plans with them only for them to cancel right before it’s time to go? Alternatively, do they guarantee you something —like $50 for mowing the lawn—and then break that promise once you’re done?

If they refuse to follow through on their commitments to you, it may mean that they don’t value your relationship. Remember: life happens. It’s normal for someone to cancel on you now and then, even a family member—but if it happens every time you make plans, they might be doing it on purpose.

You may also notice that their promises have conditions. For example, if you mowed the lawn for them, they might claim you didn’t do a good job, so they don’t have to pay you—but really, they don’t want to keep their word. 8 Your best doesn’t feel good enough because they’re so critical of you.

A family that may not care about you will look for ways to belittle your accomplishments rather than praise you for them, making you feel like nothing you do will make them proud of you. They may even criticize you regularly, to the point that everything they say feels judgmental and negative.

A critical family could remark on anything from your clothing to the decorations in your home. You might even catch yourself bracing before they speak because you’re expecting something negative or putting off spending time with them because you know they’ll find something to criticize.

They never ask about your life or how you’re doing. When you’re around your family, do they ever show interest in you? Relatives who care will ask how you’re doing, what you’re up to, and even look for updates on your career, partner, and so on. There may be a problem if your family never asks you about yourself and instead only talks about themselves.

People naturally find it easier to talk about themselves, so don’t take it the wrong way if you have a couple of one-sided conversations with family members here and there. However, if they repeatedly show no interest in your life every time you see them, that could be a sign of their indifference.

They don’t take you seriously or consider your opinions. Do you try to tell them about a problem that’s bothering you, only for them to shrug it off or tell you that you’re overreacting? Or does it feel like they disapprove of every single opinion you voice? If your family doesn’t care, they might try to undermine your opinions and mock your concerns to make you feel unimportant.

For example, after telling a family member about something upsetting, they might say, “You think that’s bad? Please,” and then vent about their own problems instead. Similarly, they might tell you you’re wrong about everything, from your political views to your favorite movie, to make you feel unsure of yourself.

Plus, if you express to them how their neglect is hurting you, you may only be either laughed at or completely ignored. They don’t respect your boundaries and invade your privacy. When a family doesn’t respect your boundaries, that could mean anything from coming over to your place totally unannounced to reading your emails or going into your room without knocking.

Essentially, they’re violating boundaries if they do things that make you uncomfortable, even after you’ve told them to stop. If they really have no concern for you, they probably won’t understand why you’re upset over their lack of boundaries, either. They might even say you’re being overdramatic or that you shouldn’t keep secrets from them (even if you’re just going about your life) if you confront them.

You get blamed for anything that goes wrong. When something happens, are you the family’s scapegoat, even if it was entirely out of your control? Whether or not their logic makes sense, a family that doesn’t value you the way they should might pin all the blame for their problems on you, simply because it’s easier than actually tackling their problems head-on.

They undermine your happiness and sabotage your success. Does it feel like your family will find any excuse to make a good day feel worse? They might always find something to complain about or criticize when you have good news to take the wind out of your sails.

If you’re on the verge of big success, they might even sabotage you by refusing to help you out when you need it. For example, if you graduated from college and felt super proud of yourself (as you should!), they might complain that you should’ve majored in something else, or that your degree wasn’t worth that much money.

If you’re about to start your dream job, they might try to sabotage you by agreeing to give you a ride to work and then bailing at the last minute so you’re late on the first day. They try to control your behavior and get you to do what they want. If you live with your family, they might adopt a “live under our roof, live by our rules” policy to control you and give you the silent treatment if you express any discomfort.

On the other hand, if you don’t live with them, they might try to guilt-trip you into doing what they want from afar and get upset the minute their manipulation doesn’t seem to be working. Unfortunately, a family trying to control you might even stoop so low as to threaten you if it looks like you’re resisting.

They might threaten to stop financially supporting you, for example. They may also try gaslighting you as part of their manipulation, which essentially means treating you badly and then insisting that they didn’t actually do anything, and that you’re making things up.

Gaslighting can make a person think they’re being “crazy” or unreasonable, even when they’re just standing up for themselves, because the person (or people) gaslighting them is distorting and undermining their point of view. You feel unsafe being your true self around them.

Do you feel like your family would reject you if they knew who you really are? On the other hand, have you tried being yourself around your family and been told firsthand to fall back in line? Often, if a family can’t let go of the version of you they had imagined, they become angry, manipulative, and even abusive when you try to be your own person.

“Being yourself” can mean anything from wanting to study art in college when they wanted you to study business to being transgender and picking a name that more aptly suits you.

A family that doesn’t accept you for who you are might refuse to support you if you go ahead with studying art, or continue to deadname you (using your former name) even though you told them the new name you chose for yourself.

by: Staff